2016 (Love, Loss and Music)

JESSE BARTMESS·FRIDAY, DECEMBER 30, 201679 Reads

2016. Wow. What a year. This year will go down in history for many reasons, most of them bad. Unfortunately, my life coincided with the ongoing chaos around the world. Last year ended badly and led me down a long and difficult road. I lost a relationship of 5 years, I lost my home, I lost part of my family and I lost part of myself. We all lost a handful of idols that can never be matched. We saw a mass of senseless violence unfold around the world unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed. We saw an unbelievable atrocity of an election unfold before us leaving most of the world feeling lost with tears in they’re eyes and lumps in they’re throats. I caught a pointless marijuana possession charge; in my own driveway none the less which led to 1 year diversion and thousands of wasted dollars on court and lawyer fees. It’s amazing to me how close we are to Colorado but yet so far behind in forward thinking. Feeling broken, I did the only thing I could do. I moved back in with my mom to recover and reevaluate my life. I left my house because I couldn’t afford it solo and with all our memories wrapped up in those walls I couldn’t bear to stick around that big house alone. All the horror aside, I have to look at what this year gave me. I have a new musical endeavor that has become more of a family than I could’ve imagined. I feel so lucky to have met these people with like minded goals and ideas, all with that glimmer in they’re eyes. That feeling that you’re here for much more than your day job and pointless obligations. I have to acknowledge the number of close friends and family members who stood by my side this year and helped me pick up the pieces even when they were hurt themselves. I have to acknowledge that I didn’t lose any friends or family members this year (at least not from this earth). I often have anxiety thinking about loved ones, especially the older ones and what I would do if they weren’t in my life. I’m so thankful for another year with them. I got to see a few amazing places for the first time, played more shows in one year that I played in the previous four; writing and recording in the empty spaces of time. I’ve had enough good times this year to fulfill a decade. And all along the way it was the music that saved me, every day. That show, that new album, hearing that new song for the first time and thinking I needed this right now. Hearing that last album from your most beloved artist and knowing there will be no more. Catching a glimpse of that bliss that life can bring through the eyes of that performer on stage. Music isn’t everything, but it’s as important to me as water and air. To quote a friends grandmother when asked can you imagine a world without music. “A world without music, well that would be a pretty boring place wouldn’t it”?

Here are the 10 live shows that moved me the most this year including a chronicling of my experience so that you might better understand me as a person and musician. Included as well are the 10 albums I listened to most to get me through the year. Spotify playlist link below. I hope you enjoy. I enjoyed writing this. I used to write in a journal daily but stopped years ago. I forgot how cathartic and fulfilling it can be.

https://open.spotify.com/user/1266310001/playlist/0xpqUIRDHRT1yzO7hFC6Lq

TOP 10 CONCERTS OF 2016

1. PJ HARVEY – Thu. Aug. 18th @ the Shrine (LA)

PJ Harvey is one of my favorite songwriters of all time and is tied with Bjork as my favorite female songwriter. Maybe it’s because I’m a dark person quote on quote Goth if you will (I’m usually referred to as brooding), but her music always resonated with me from the first time I heard it on “Alternative” radio in the mid-90’s. I was about eight. There’s not many performers who can pull all of they’re pain and aggression, put it on a record and have it sound genuine and just plain god damn good. It’s not for everybody, but man is it for me. I traveled to Los Angeles to see a good friend but the main mission was about her. I believe the last time she played KC was around 93’ opening for Veruca Salt. I killed two birds by finally seeing one of the greatest cities that I knew I would fall in love with and a musician I admire beyond words. It didn’t hurt seeing the show with a few close friends in one of the most beautiful venues I’ve ever seen either. Strangely enough, she just announced a full US tour for 2017 coming as close as Colorado but in true PJ fashion, skipping the Midwest. I can’t blame her.

2. Savages – Saturday April 9th @ the Granada

Savages are a band that took me awhile to get really into. They’re music was dark and slow which I love but it didn’t pull me in. It was they’re live show that did, that is where they truly shine. I had seen them a few years ago outside at a hot and sweaty festival in Chicago. It was great but I could tell they couldn’t interact like they knew they could with less people. The Granada on a warm summer night was perfect. Everyone in all black, including myself in a leather jacket (not a usual). The tension seemed high from the beginning as they’re were religious nuts handing out pamphlets out front, preaching hate speech through they’re stupid bullhorns. The band came out only after what seemed like a 10 minute trance beat that built in intensity giving me a good kind of anxiety. They came out, the guitar player hit a chord that transmitted a beautiful and destructive noise as the white backdrop fell in dramatic fashion; from that point they didn’t stop. Sticking to they’re newer songs which are fast tempo apart from the slow burner “Adore” which they appropriately saved for the later part of the set. The four of those women create such a noise together that is as much loud as it is perfectly melodic and it’s incredible. The singer Jenny Beth’s voice is very reminiscent of Siouxsie Sioux only with more harmony and range, and a viscous howl. She embraced the crowd with fearlessness, climbing, crawling and at one point perched on the crowd as admiring fans held her up to sing a whole song, not to mention right above me (I swear we locked eyes). She also spoke to the crowd with a civility and authenticity that just added to her English charm. She let the young women and men in the audience know that they were with us and would always stick up for what’s right. She also acknowledged the hate going on out front and pointed out that it’s all derived from fear. I’ve been known to shed a few tears at emotional shows. It used to be only sad songs but now it doesn’t matter. When a performer has that ability to pull those emotions out of me, it’s powerful. Strange thing is they’re usually tears of joy from the connection that’s being made between everyone in that room. You should’ve seen me at the Sufjan Stevens show a few years back. I sat next to my girlfriend on our special night out and cried silently but profusely to his songs. I left the Savages show that night with a smile on my face, a warm heart and a renewed hope that maybe music still has the power to change the world.

3. Grimes w/ Florence & the Machine – Tue. May 24 @ Providence

I like Florence and The Machine. I bought her first album like 6 years ago when she was starting to catch some buzz in the states. She is also a hell of a performer. But I went to this show to see Grimes. I paid 75$ to get a GA pit ticket just to get up close and see a 30 minute set from Grimes. I can’t really explain why I’ve always felt connected to her musically. We’re both 28, we have the same synthesizer, but what it really is; a sensibility for electronic music that is for good reason hard to define or put in a genre. Those who listen know that there are countless subgenres of “EDM” but to most people I usually I have to specify that I don’t make dubstep or dance music. It’s more down tempo or ambient and more about the selection of sounds and how they blend together, not necessarily getting the club in a frenzy. It all goes back to that emotion, that’s what’s most important to me. If an artist is authentic you can tell and vice versa if they’re not. Claire of Grimes has her own thing going on and has from the beginning. Seeing someone at my age coming from a similar diy scene, growing her brand and pushing her ideas into the mainstream; it’s very inspiring to me. She’s not quite Beyonce takeover the world status but I have faith that she’ll get there. This show was special though. I was up close with some close girl friends, I was the only person that night with a sign, remember like they did in the 80’s. I had a heart shaped sign with “GRIMES” written in glitter and a gift bag of various clothing and music that I knew she was into and a dozen pink roses. When she came out on stage I was the first person she made eye contact with, smiled a big smile and waved. I waved back and then died for a second. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t also in love with her in that way, but we all have our fanboy crushes. But that night the cards weren’t entirely in my favor. We exchanged a few more waves and smiles but I could never get her attention long enough to hold up the gift bag. Not to mention towards the end of the set, girls behind me started creating a fuss about how my sign was blocking they’re view at which point a “crowd enforcement officer” (douche) actually attempted to make me put my sign down at which point I said this is America and held it as high as I could to get it out of everyone’s view. My friends had all left me to get drinks and I felt like an ass. I left that night with a bag of dying flowers and a feeling of what could’ve been. A few weeks later I was redeemed when she responded to a question I posted about synthesizers on her Instagram. I died again for a few seconds.

4. Deerhunter – Fri. Oct. 7th @ Cain's Ballroom (Tulsa)

Deerhunter is my favorite band to come out of the 21st century. They blend noise, melody and cynical self deprecating lyrics so well it’s scary. Bradford Cox has a way of channeling his own loneliness and anxiety but making me the listener, identify with it in my own life. It’s so easy for me to get lost in his songs and escape all that fear and worry and just let go, release for five minutes. I’ve always gravitated towards the depressed or tortured artists. But hey that’s just me. He’s an interesting character, creating all these strange loops in the middle of Georgia remaining abstinent, drug free and after a near death run in with a car ; a spiritual sensibility. I could go into all his antics on and off stage but just Google it. He’s just one of those rock stars with an unusual stage presence and ability to completely transcend and transform on stage. I took off work on a sunny Friday in October, my dads birthday, to drive to Oklahoma to see one of my favorite bands at the legendary Cain’s Ballroom in Tulsa (look it up). I had a perfect jerk chicken sandwich. I saw the Woody Guthrie museum whose writings and artwork made me tear up uncontrollably looking like a weirdo in a crowded museum. He was such a raw poet and person, way ahead of his time. I made friends with the lead guitarist in the opening band Jock Gang from Atlanta. We talked over cigarettes and libations about everything music industry/recording/touring related. He said he would get me on the guest list for Columbia, MO in 3 weeks. He did not, so the story goes. Deerhunter was insanely loud in that small tin like outhouse, the good kind of painful you know. I loved every minute of it. And hey I saw Wayne Coyne from The Flaming Lips, wanted to wave but a second later he was gone like the mystical creature that he is. I drove the four hour drive back home after the show fueled by coffee and good memories. Got two hours of sleep then went and worked an 8 hour shift at my then grocery store job. All in the name of Rock and Roll. That’s love right there.

5. Angel Olsen – Friday September 30th @ Off Broadway (St. Louis)

I love seeing shows in St. Louis, it’s a doable four hour road trip from KC especially with a companion to keep you company which I luckily had that night. My band mate and good friend Rachel tagged along after another close friend had to cancel. I found it obvious to invite the front woman of my band to come and witness one of the most captivating and emotional songwriters I’ve heard in a long time as I knew it would inspire her as it did me. Angel is also a St. Louis native which made it more of a homecoming vibe, with her parents and friends bumping shoulders with the fans. Seeing it in a venue that I’m pretty sure used to be an automotive shop/gas station made it all the homier. The performance was great, especially her new songs which have her singing and playing at her prime. We chatted up the band after the show hoping to get in on a possible after party but I could tell that she wanted to go hang with her family and friends. I left that show with a smile on my face, a friend by my side, and one of Angel’s shirts with the song title “UNFUCKTHEWORLD” written on the front. I always thought that was such an optimistic statement compared to the latter.

6. Phantogram – Friday October 14th @ the Midland

I could’ve put this show at the top of the list but I felt it a bit narcissistic to do so because you see this show was as much about seeing a band I love as it was about me and my own dreams. I played this show. I got to perform at The Midland Theatre for the biggest crowd I’ve seen for us and share the stage with a big name artist who I truly look up to musically. That night was a dream come true. And let me make this clear. It’s not about “Oh, I’m cool because I played with this band at this place and made this money”. This is what I want more than anything, and it’s about my goals and small landmarks that mean a lot to me regardless of if they matter to anyone else. There are plenty of bands out there doing better than us and some that aren’t. Half of the people I know have never heard of Phantogram. I remember about 7 years ago, hanging with an old friend in his garage in Gardner, Kansas. Smoking pot, messing around on guitar and playing him my latest musical discoveries; I played him a song called “When I’m Small” from they’re first album. A simple guitar riff, a simple beat, and icy vocals; all layered in reverb. We looked at each other and our instruments and we said “We can make something like this, like if we tried”. That was the year I became serious about music and I’ve never stopped. That’s why it meant a lot to me. Because I remember a time when I was nobody sitting in a garage in bumfuck wishing that I could be a real musician and now I’m playing on the same bills with those same bands. It’s unreal to me. It’s gratifying. I’m proud of myself and my band and nights like that make all the bullshit that goes with being an “artist” worth it.

7. PJ Harvey – Friday August 19th @ the Fonda Theatre (LA)

I was only expecting to see PJ once during my stay in the city of angels but being that it is a place where anything can happen I got a second opportunity. She announced a second show on Friday night since tickets for Thursday sold out in a timely fashion. Not a day after it was announced the Friday show sold out.

She sells out pretty much every city she plays. Friday night rolled around and since we were all exhausted from all the sight seeing and partying my crew decided to stay back at the house, drink beer and play cards. I said to myself, I am not going to spend my last night in LA sitting on a couch when PJ Harvey is playing literally 3 blocks away. I parted ways receiving much support from my friends as they knew my love for this woman. I approached the Fonda theatre hoping to buy a last minute ticket from a scalper. Sure enough the first guy who walks by me says “need a ticket”? I said yes, just one. He replies that’s all I have left. He wanted 80$. I think it was all I had. I didn’t haggle, I grabbed it as if I was Charlie and it was the golden ticket. So why then is this show at #7? A few reasons, The Fonda is small and not nearly as architecturally pleasing as The Shrine. The Fonda is like a smaller Uptown lacking some charm and The Shrine reminded me of wherever they host The Oscars with its red carpet and long red drapes. Plus the sound at The Shrine was perfectly mixed and a breathing entity. The sound at this particular Fonda show was way to quiet and not mixed well which lead to me hearing more of the drunken guy next to me singing “Down by The Water” than PJ. But those things aside, the set was solid especially since she played a few older cuts she hadn’t the night before. I also met a grand fellow who was dressed as a spot on Nick Cave from the Tender Prey album cover. He said his Asian girlfriend was late and was to be dressed as Bjork. I pondered all the different versions of Bjork and wondered if she would be committed enough to pull off the white swan dress. I never did see her. He approved my notion that Los Angeles was a magical place and that I wanted to relocate as soon as I could. I also only saw one “celebrity” while in California oddly enough. They like to hide. The odd part was it was Kim Gordon of Sonic Youth attending the PJ show. The last celebrity I had seen just a few months back in our own home state of Kansas for an interview/spoken word session at Liberty Hall in Lawrence. The universe is strange like that.

8. Deerhunter – Wed. Oct. 19th @ the Blue Note (Columbia)

This is very similar to my 2nd night seeing PJ. When Deerhunter announced a date in Tulsa and one in Columbia I naturally said I’m going to both. I don’t care about the proximity of the dates. I love that band and they rarely play the Midwest so I’m soaking up every bit I can (they’re playing The Granada in January, it will be my 4th time seeing them). This show was great but it lacked some of the magic the show at Cain’s in Tulsa had. Maybe it’s because that ballroom has an ambiance like none other, and The Blue note is kind of a stuffy formal theatre, better suited for comics and acoustic acts I’m sure. At Cain’s I could feel the energy from all those legendary musicians who’ve played that venue. Country, Blues, RocknRoll, Punk. You name it. Every legendary act of the last 50 years has most likely graced that stage. I was lucky to have my companion Rachel join me for another road trip in the name of music. I felt we needed more solo bonding time being that I have spent many late nights up with the boys discussing hopes and dreams and not enough with her. I cannot forget the amazing street musicians I met in the alley behind the venue. We commiserated over smokes at which point I asked if I could play the guitar that lay dormant against the brick wall. I had a sudden gust of inspiration. That’s how it is. It comes and goes. I played the same sad 3 chord progression I’ve been playing for years. It’s mainly E minor. It was the first thing I wrote on guitar and it always makes people stop and get emotional. I wish I could recall the young dreadlocked mans name. But he let out some of the sweetest harmonies with a voice like Otis Redding. He sensed the chords, which is why his lyrics were all about pain and struggling. I must mention he also rapped for minutes on end which was very poetic. Not usually the experience you get when people rap at you in the street. I left that night with a better understanding of mankind and reconfirmation that collaboration is essential and everyone is connected in some way.

9. Kitten – Saturday July 17th @ the Shawnee Manor

The first time I saw Kitten was a very sweaty experience at a then packed Union Basement in Westport. The singer Chloe, age 17 at the time was to my memory pretty drunk and all over the place. In the crowd, all over the stage, spouting all kinds of vodka fueled nonsense. The crowd was confused, the band looked pissed and they cut the set early which to my knowledge had to do with a known underage performer being notably intoxicated on stage. Understandable, what a strange set but man was it fun. That’s one thing you can rely on Kitten to be live, Fun. Fast forward to 2016 and we have played two shows with them. On a balmy July night, I sat at home with a sense of urgency. There was an electricity in the air. You know those summer nights where the breeze is just right and when the sun goes down you can feel it. The city is alive, I’m going out tonight. Just as that feeling arose I got a text from my bass player Justin. “Hey Kitten is playing an unofficial buzz beach ball after party at Shaun’s house and he wants us to open for them.” I just smiled and acknowledged that fate had just handed me my perfect summer night. The Kitten you will see now is far different from what I saw in Westport years ago. They are refined musicians, captivating and energetic on stage. Chloe is one of my favorite front women to watch perform. She is now all over the place in a studied and rhythmic way. She has crazy dance moves for days and energy like a hyaena on Red Bull. We played Shaun’s basement, then dubbed The Shawnee Manor; a now thing of legend. At one point Shaun somehow got Glass Animals and Hinds to play a similar after party in his basement decked out with lights, bar and full pa. After our joyous set to a room full of happy drunk young adults Shaun asked me to DJ via spotify in between sets. Ah, my dream. There’s not much more I love in this world than being with a large group of people and somehow I get nominated to pick the music. The truest form of narcissism. The crowd was delighted at the latest and greatest of Hip-Hop and Electronica I had chosen and that made me happy. I love playing an instrument but I understand why DJ’s do what they do. To drop that beat and see a dozen people vibing and singing the lyrics, giving you thumbs up and fist bumps. It feels good. I left that night with a few more friends and one hell of a memory.

10. Kurt Vile – Friday April 8th @ the Granada

The night before I saw Savages tear through The Granada, I saw the opposite they’re; A hush but heartfelt set from Kurt Vile. I first saw Kurt Vile at a festival in New York in 2009. I went there mainly to see Iggy Pop, Sonic Youth and members of Wu Tang Clan but I made note of smaller acts who I wanted to catch. Kurt Vile is hard to describe and easily pigeon holed. Bob Dylan is a common comparison which isn’t far off with his poetic lyrics, distinct slur, and simplistic melodies. I would say he’s like Dylan/Van Morrison put through a funnel of old beer and sad haze. Sometimes simplicity is better. Some of his songs are the same few chords for six minutes straight but the way he convicts it through reverb is special. There are a lot of singer songwriter guys with a guitar out there. He’s one of my favorites. I felt this show needed to be included but at the end of the list. I’ve seen him about a half dozen times now and have yet to get that spine tingle I got in that cold dark venue in New York reminiscent of an abandon strip club minus the poles and mirrors. I could also tell that he was tired from months, hell years of relentless touring. He even admitted to his somewhat fragile state before he played a few songs solo. That is where Kurt truly shines; just him, his acoustic guitar, blindingly honest songs and a spotlight to match.

MY TOP 10 ALBUMS OF 2016

1. David Bowie – Blackstar

2. Radiohead – A Moon Shaped Pool

3. Angel Olsen – My Woman

4. Blood Orange – Freetown Sound

5. Frank Ocean – Blonde

6. Solange – A Seat at the Table

7. Warpaint – Heads Up

8. Bon Iver – 33 “GOD”

9. Nxworries – Yes Lawd!

10. Whitney – Light Upon the Lake